Where is my Piggy?
by yveltaldarkrai3
Summary: (oneshot) When asked to read a children's picture book to Gir, Zim finds it boring and decides to make his own rendition. Based on Where is my Cow? By Terry Pratchett


**A/N: This is a short story conceived when I read** _ **Thud!**_ **By Terry Pratchett** _ **.**_ **I hope you read, review, and enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer:** _ **Where's my Cow?**_ **belongs to Terry Pratchett. IZ belongs to Jhonen Vasquez**

The clock chimed 3:00. Looking up from his sitting position on the floor, Gir picked up the book laying next to him, before dashing into his master's lab.

"It's 3:00!"He shrieked, "You promised that you'd read this to me!"

Zim turned from his project, to glare at Gir,"I made no such promise Gir. Now go back to realigning the energy conduits like I told you to."

Tears leaked from the corner of the little SIR unit's eyes, as he looked pitifully at Zim.

Zim stared Gir down relentlessly until he gave in,"Fine."He spat, "But after this, you'll do everything I say, no excuses."

Gir cheered up immediately, sitting on Zim's lap like a child, as the Invader opened the book.

"Where's my Cow. By Terry Pratchett,"Zim droned, clearly bored.

"You have to read it better!"Gir shouted.

"Ugh. Fine,"Zim grumbled. Clearing his throat, he continued,"Where's my cow? Is that my cow? It goes baa! It is a sheep! No, that's not my cow!"

Zim groaned, "Will I have to finish the rest of this filthy Earth book?"He asked.

"Yes!"

Turning the page, Zim continued,"Where's my cow? Is that my cow? It goes naaay! It is a horse! No, that's not my cow!"

Gritting his teeth, Zim glared at Gir."This has to be some sort of torture,"He said.

Gir shrugged, transfixed by the picture on the current page which showed a horse standing in front of a hat stand.

"Where's my cow? Is that my cow? It goes-...do I really need to say this?" Zim demanded, his eye twitching.

"Mmhmm."Gir replied.

"...it goes HRUUGH! It is a hippopotamus! No that's not my-...I'm done!" Zim shrieked, throwing the book to the side,"An inferior human author could not compare to an Irken Elite! Wait here."

Zim stomped off, the sounds of scribbling and sawing we're heard deep within his lab. A few minutes later, he came back, holding a book of his own,"The pinnacle of literary fiction!"He shouted, "Feast your eyes upon this!"

He held up the book that read, _Where is my Piggy. By The Almighty Zim!_

Gir stared,smiling dopily.

"Well?"Zim demanded.

"It looks pretty…"Gir replied.

Zim rolled his eyes, before sitting next to Gir who immediately crawled back into his lap,"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes ALIEN! It is the big-headed Dib-worm! No, that's not my piggy!

The page displayed a poorly drawn and colored picture of a shouting Dib pointing at Zim.

"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes It's not about revenge! It is Inferior Irken Tak! No, that's not my piggy."

Zim read Tak's line in a high-pitched voice, while the page displayed a poorly drawn picture of Tak being launched out into space.

"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes-"

"Nyah!" Finished Minimoose, which was revealed to be the project that Zim was working on before Gir interrupted him.

"It is Minimoose. No, that's not my piggy."

"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes, muahahahah! It is the greatest, and most powerful Invader Zim! No, that's not my piggy."

Gir stuffed a Taquito that he had stored somewhere on his body, into his mouth.

"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes I'm gonna hug you! It is Gir! No, that's not my piggy."

"Hey...that's me." Gir said, perking up.

Zim continued reading,"Where is my piggy? Is that my piggy? It goes oink! Yes, it is my piggy! Huzzah huzzah! It's a wonderful day for I have found my piggy. Now on to bigger and better things."

He closed the book with a snap,"The end. Now go fix those conduits."

Gir saluted, his eyes turning red,"Yes sir!"

As the tiny robot wandered off, Zim stood up and pressed a button next to a wall. Stepping inside the hidden door that had opened, he walked over to an object covered with a tarp,"Hooray, hooray."He murmured, uncovering the object which was revealed to be a tied up Dib,"What a wonderful day.."

 **Fin**

 **A/N:I hope you enjoyed!**


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